Definitions For Beginners

Protocols

Explain the procedures, tasks, custom practices, and traditions.

High Protocol

Strict etiquette and rules established by the Dominant that emphasize the submissive’s role and set expectations for all interactions within a scene. Some D/s relationships are 24/7 and may use high protocol only at certain events, others may use them whenever in the presence of their counterpart.

Fetish

An object that is not technically sexual and has been given sexual context. Common fetishes are shoes, feet, hands, jewelry and lingerie. 

Play

The interaction during a kink or non-kink scene which is safe, sane and consensual. Play often occurs with a play partner or with a Dominant or submissive.

BDSM

Bondage, Domination, Sadism, Masochism (or sadomasochism)

D/s dynamic

Represents Dominant/submissive, indicating the power dynamic at play. D/s dynamics should always be thoughtful, reasonable and negotiable. If the dynamic does not work for you, look for one that does. Don’t settle! This is your life and you deserve to play.

Power Exchange

Where one gives control to another. It is not a true exchange, it is a one-way transfer of power from the submissive to the Dominant. In this exchange it is critical that the Dominant honor and reinforce the boundaries set forth by the submissive in order to create a safe space.

Examples of Power Dynamics:

• Author and book

• Daddy/Mommy and little

• Teacher and student

• Master and slave

• Coach and player

• Owner and pet

• Officer and prisoner

• TSA and luggage

• Offender and victim

• Doctor and patient

submissive 

The role of the person relinquishing autonomy to someone who they trust. In writing the title is lowercase.

Dominant

The role of the person holding authority over a submissive. In writing the title is capitalized.

Session

A structured period of time when play occurs. Before a session begins, it’s important to have a discussion with each other about limits and desires.

Limits

The boundaries by which a scene is created. A person must know and discuss their limits with their play partner before engaging in any type of play. Limits can be anything with which one is not comfortable. Some limits are soft, such as things you are curious about but are unlikely to enjoy. Hard limits indicate that there is no entering into that territory. One’s limits may not be the same as another’s. Examples of limits could be bodily fluid exchange, touching certain areas of the body, and even certain words. Decisions to modify limits should be discussed during a time when play is not on the table, in order to avoid any impulsive choices that one may regret later.

Punishment

The consequence of disobedience. The punishment must be proportionate to the crime. Common punishments include degrading and humiliating acts, impact play and types of physical pain, writing assignments, fines and taxes. Appropriate punishments are determined after discussing limits. Not all submissives want to be degraded, others find physical pain to be rewarding rather than painful. It is up to the Dominant and the submissive to determine what will suit their dynamic the best.

Reward

The consequence of obedience. The reward must be proportionate to the achievement. Common rewards include verbal affirmations such as “good boy/girl”, indulgence in a fetish such as worshiping the Dominant’s feet, and physical pleasure.